Unhappily Married
by NotsoSugarQueen
Summary: To say that Hera and Zeus have marriage issues would be an understatement. We're talking about three millennia's worth of discontent here. And seeing as to the fact that divorce isn't an option when you're an immortal Olympian, Hera decides the next best option is worth a shot. Counseling. It's time for the King and Queen of Heaven to let it all out. Confidentiality? Forget it.


**Unhappily Married-**

**A.N.: So this inspiration for this oneshot comes from a Pistol Annies song by the same name. Look it up, and if you think of Zeus and Hera, it's hilarious. Anyways, I hope you enjoy it. I kind of whipped it up out of boredom… Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I wish I owned PJO. I'm thinking of asking Rick Riordan for it this Christmas.**

_"We both play our parts in this disaster,_

_I'll be the bitch and you'll be the bastard."_

_-Pistol Annies, __Unhappily Married_

"So, what exactly do you think is the root of the problem in this relationship?" the counselor asked curiously. She was a middle aged woman with curly graying hair pulled up in a sensible bun, with smart looking tortoiseshell glasses perched on the bridge of her nose as she examined her clipboard. Hera was glad she wasn't too pretty, otherwise her husband wouldn't have paid as much attention. The counseling sessions were a bit of a long shot, but hey, when you're immortal and have all eternity, you have lots of time to fix your problematic marriage.

But then again, when you've _had_ three millennia as a married couple, the problems have plenty of time to multiply.

Hera pursed her lips and cast a sideways glance at Zeus before replying. "His shameless cheating," she announced, brushing back a stray tendril of her dark hair. It was glossy and lacking frizz, as per usual. When you're a goddess, the genes in your ichor tend to add up to effortless perfection. And from her every pore, she radiated it. She was wearing a neat lilac blouse and a pair of stylish white skinny jeans, with brown cork wedges. It was, perhaps a look that not most early thirty year olds could've pulled off. But Hera managed. Her hands were folded neatly in her lap, and her back was straight. Calm, cool, and collected.

Zeus, on the other, hand, looked slightly agitated at the whole situation. He was dressed in one of his many suits, this one a dark navy blue, and his tie depicted a glossy silver and gray plaid. His dress shirt was slightly crinkled, much to his wife's distaste, and his hair was a little bit on the unkempt side. His chin rested on his hand and he sighed.

"She's too controlling. Not nearly understanding enough. Everything must be perfect! She doesn't allow any room for mistakes!" He countered, frowning.

"Well, do you admit to this cheating?" the counselor inquired, fiddling with her pen after jotting down a few notes.

Zeus cleared his throat awkwardly. "I admit I have not been the most faithful of spouses, but surely you can understand. She has allowed no room for imperfections on my part. One year, I missed our anniversary because of work, and she went berserk!" He neglected, of course, mentioning the angry peacocks that had trailed him for the rest of the week, just because the mortal counselor probably wouldn't be able to comprehend that information. The Mist could only do so much.

"Mrs. Olympian, do you think you've been too harsh and critical where the little things are concerned?" the counselor asked, turning to face Hera once again. The Queen of Heaven straightened up and gave her husband a disapproving look.

"I just feel that once he started disregarding our vows, all his little mess ups became more prominent. It's hard not to get frustrated," she explained, gesturing with her hands.

"I can understand your point of view," the counselor said empathetically. "It seems you have some very serious issues. Have you ever considered divorce?"

Hera glanced upward. Being the goddess of marriage, divorce wasn't part of her vocabulary. But again, mortal comprehension wouldn't really be open to such a far-fetched explanation for the situation. So she settled for a more PG answer.

"We're both devout Catholics, you see. We don't believe in divorce. And I really believe that we want this to work. At least, I hope it can. I mean, we were very much in love once," she answered smoothly. They had been in love, what, three thousand years ago, give or take a century?

"Mr. Olympian, I want your take on this. It's clear that neither or you contemplate divorce due to your beliefs. Do you want this to work just as much as your wife?" the woman clicked and unclicked her pen, awaiting Zeus's reply.

"I think there are possibilities," he began, his stormy gaze flicking over to his wife momentarily before returning to the counselor. "But these issues… they've been going on for quite some time. And I would like to get them resolved first and foremost."

Hera had to exercise some serious restraint to avoid rolling her eyes. As if. She was positive that her husband could go another few hundred years neglecting the holes in their relationship. After all, he had no personal rules of faith as far as marriage was concerned. Affairs, as far as he was concerned, were no big deal. Granted, in the last twenty years, there had only been one incident, but all the same.

"Well," the counselor began, placing her clipboard on her desk and leaning back in her leather chair. "I think maybe you should do some talking. And I mean really talking. No arguments. I want a polite, civil conversation, but I would like you to include all your feelings. Let out any concerns about unfairness or wrongdoings. This is an honest zone, this room. And I suggest you let it all out before we move on."

Hera exchanged a look with Zeus. Let it _all_ out? As in, three millennia's worth of baggage and disapproval of her husband?

She pursed her lips. Where to start.

**Cute? Funny? I'm thinking of maybe doing a ton of different oneshots of the two of them at counseling sessions, just to be funny. It's never really been done before, so it will be interesting to see the reviews. If I get some good feedback, then there will be more, I promise. Please review, constructive criticism is ALWAYS appreciated! Thanks for reading! Love you all!**

**Xoxo-NotsoSugarQueen**


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